The Sons Of Ipswarts
by clockwork-arrest
Summary: Trouble is brewing for the Sons of Ipswich when they end up at Hogwarts by accident! Especially because a certain boy in glasses is not pleased by their coming...CovenantHarry Potter Crossover. Guaranteed Hilariousness Ensues!
1. Prolouge

_**Hey! I'm Lucy, and I'm one of the authors of this story. I'm mainly responsible with Caleb and Pogue.**_

She's really good at it, too.

_**Thanks, Caleb:)**_

_You're such a suckup, Caleb._

You're just jealous because she doesn't love you as much as she loves me.

_**That's not —**_

_Oh yeah? Then I wonder why she said the things she said last night?_

What did you two do last night?!

_**Nothing, don't worry, Caleb, it's noth — **_

_Oh, we just had an in-depth conversation . . . in her bedroom._

WHAT?

_**Caleb, it's nothing like that, I promise.**_

You were with him in your room?

_We had a great time._

_**Pogue, stop it. Listen Caleb, all we did was discuss the story. I PROMISE. Speaking of which, don't you two want to get on with it?**_

Oh yeah! I forgot about that part.

_So, Lucy, we'll continue our 'discussion' tonight, then?_

_**Shut up and tell the story.**_

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_**Prologue**_

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Caleb _**and**_ _Pogue_

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It all started when Reid Garwin made us miss our flight.

_Seriously, Caleb, that was the lamest beginning to a story anyone could ever have written._

You shut up. You promised me that I could tell this part, so back off and let me tell it, alright?

_Fine, whatever._

Thank you. Anyway, so this whole big, huge mess that we're in right now started because of one boy. He goes by the name of Reid Garwin, though he says that most girls call him 'Sugar Daddy'.

_That's totally disgusting, by the way. Reid is a total — _

NOT in front of the readers, Pogue! Control yourself! Anyway, even though he's one of our best friends, he tends to annoy us a lot. He's always getting into trouble. He's kind of a bit of a gambler —

_A BIT?!_

SHUT UP! So yeah, Reid was entertaining some ladies around a slot machine, saying that he could get all sevens three times in a row. Which, of course, he did, because he shamelessly used his power in a way that will probably permanently alter the fabric of space and time —

_SOMEBODY'S been watching a bit too much Star Trek._

Well, it's a good show. Are you going to shut up completely so that I can finish telling the story as to why we are where we are?

_Why don't I just take over?_

But . . But . . . You promised!!

_Get over it. Anyway, so here's the thing: we were all supposed to be taking a plane back from England because we'd spent a few weeks there to celebrate Tyler's Ascension_. _Why in the world he chose England to go to, I have no idea. It's the worst place EVER to vacation. _

_But Reid, being the complete hot-headed jerk that he always is, decided to do the whole gambling thing to impress some 'foxy ladies' (his words, not mine). And so the three of us — Tyler, Caleb and I — went running like maniacs around the airport trying to find him._

You two ran like maniacs, I ran like a track star athlete!

_Caleb, shut up. Seriously. And stop that pouting. It won't get you anywhere. Anyways, so we hear this loud announcement on the speakers, saying that it's time to board our flight. I'm furious right, I just want to get out of this country and go back home. Unfortunately for me however, our little pal Reid decided to go have some very last minute fun without informing us. And I'm angry, really, really angry right? Like steaming! _

Pogue, the kids DON'T care about how mad you were. I think they got the point the first time around. Okay, so picture this, all three of us dashing around like mad trying to find our run away buddy. I'm in the pizza parlor searching desperately for Reid when–

_Lies! All lies! You ordered a pizza!_

Shut up, Pogue, I was still scanning around for Reid while I did so. I was just trying to be nonchalant and classy.

_That's it, I'm officially removing Star Trek and James Bond from the list of things you are allowed to watch._

Whatever. So then I hear the second announcement.

"Last call for flight 64B." I look around. I think for a moment. I pull out my ticket, thinking while I did so about how —

_Caleb Danvers, you did NOT ask for permission_ _to talk in narrative style! _

And go figure, that's us. What's the problem with narrative?

_You can't just change the story now!_

Okay, okay. Back to the boring crap.

_Watch it._

So I dash out of the pizza joint–

_Slice in hand, mind you. _

And I go to regroup with the others. Nobody's seen Reid. Then finally we spot him, surrounded by a group of hot babes by the slot machines. My leader-like instincts kick in on overdrive, and I can immediately sense that he's up to no good. I inform the others, because they can't pick up on things like this you see, only I can, because I'm the leader.

_Well, aren't YOU full of it._

It's not MY fault you're jealous. Anyways, we hurry over to confront him and we're almost then when suddenly . . . (Pogue..your line!)

_Oh, right. Ahem. 'Flight 64B now preparing for take off, if you are not on board, please re-book another flight. I repeat, flight 64B is now leaving._'

Wow! You are so good at doing a female announcer impersonation! Right, so, anyways...where was I, uhh...fearless leader and all that.

_Caleb this is taking forever! We're already on the fourth page and you've barely managed to cover anything! _

Well I WOULD if you weren't constantly interrupting me. And I'd have been even faster if you'd have let me use narrative! God Pogue, where are your manors?

_Are you STILL on about that? This is just the prologue, you idiot. You can use as much narrative as you want in the next chapter._

Really? Do you promise?

_I . . . Uh . . . . Well . . . That's_ _not really my place._

Ha. Some friend.

_ANYWAY, so we stand there at the window and watch in total shock as our plane, our last connection to Ipswitch, flies away and leaves us stranded._

And THEN, to make matters worse, Reid comes strolling over and asks why we're just standing there. Tyler just points out the window at the plane flying away, and Reid shrugs and says we shouldn't have been so slow.

_I wanted to kill him. I was sorely tempted to just grab him around the neck and throttle him 'til he was dead. Little did I know that soon, I wouldn't be the only one who wanted to do that._

Pfft. Leave it to you to go all cryptic and metaphorical.

_That's called foreshadowing, dude._

Whatever. Let's just leave the next bit up to Reid and Tyler.

_Think they'll do as well as we did?_

No way, man!

_We're fricken awesome._

Let's get a beer.

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_**So, there you have it, folks! The very-well-written and PERFECTLY understandable introduction to the horrifying situation that the poor Sons have landed themselves in.**_

I think I sense just a little bit of sarcasm in there.

_No shit, Sherlock._

Dude, we may be in England, but that doesn't mean that the supreme leader has to be called Sherlock. But I do appreciate the gesture.

_You little —_

_**Well, that's all for now! I'm going to run away while my love-children battle it out over Sherlock. 'Til next time!**_


	2. Chapter 1

Well hello there! I'm Ceilidh, the second author of the fabulous story! Let's get on with it, shall we? So I'm mainly in charge of Tyler and **Reid** here..

**Pfft, in charge of me? I'm in charge of YOU baby.**

Uhh, right. You'll have to excuse Reid, he tends to get a bit–

Out of hand?

That's right Tyler out of–

**Watch it baby boy...you to writer girl.**

Shut up Reid, remember, I can do whatever I want to you in the long run!

**Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Rub it in, whatever. Let's get this show on the road!**

All right, all right. Okay people, without further ado I give you...

**Drum roll, please?**

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_**Chapter One**_

--------------------------------------

**Reid **and Tyler

--------------------------------------

Hi I'm Tyler!

**And I'm Reid, the sexiest man you'll ever meet.**

Easy tiger. Don't get ahead of yourself now. Anyways, this next part is going to be told by us!

**And we're WAY better than Caleb and Pogue.**

Yeah, we're way cooler.

**And sexier. Well I am, anyways.**

Watch it, Garwin. Okay so like the other two left off, there we were...standing in the airport. Caleb, Pogue and I just about ready to commit a little crime called first degree murder and pound the life out of our pal Reid here.

**You wimpy bitches wouldn't have touched me.**

Shut up. So there we are. Heathrow airport, London, England. Personally, I loved the trip, I finally for once in my life got to make the decision as to where we were going to go. Actually, it was my first time getting to make the decision, ever. Anyways, Caleb's downright pissed, yelling at Reid, getting all up in his face as usual.

**Causing quite an un-necessary scene, I might add. **

EVERYBODY in the whole damn airport is staring at them, and we've attracted a fair bit of attention.

**Even more then we do usually. It's mostly my good looks and charm you see.**

Ignore him, honestly. He's not that bad once you get to know him. Well, never mind he IS that bad, but that's beside the point...

**Hey I resent that!**

Quiet! We have to kick Caleb and Pogue's ass at this story telling thing. Right, so, a few security guards spot us and tell ask us what the problem is. After I calmly explain to them what happened–

**Calm, pfft. You were bubbling like a baby.**

I was not! Anyhow, they tell us we should take the bus back to a hotel and reschedule for the nearest flight. So we make our way to the bus terminal, and that's when the story really begins...

**DUN DUN DUN! I bet your getting excited now, aren't you?! **

Reid, quit bugging the readers. You pretty much just RUINED my whole suspense sentence there. Now, where was I. Oh yes, the bus terminal. Reid will now do an imitation of Caleb for you so that you can get a good idea of what the rest of us had to listen to for the following 15 minutes.

**Ahem Okay, putting on my manly Caleb voice...starting now. HOW could you do such a thing! Endangering not only yourself, but us to! Your brothers! Your best friends! The entire world for god's sake! You should never gave been given such a power! You don't have enough responsibility for it! It can kill you, you know? Well obviously it won't though because I am going to kill you first! Because I have an ugly haircut! And a buttchin!**

Wait. What? Caleb has a buttchin?

**Don't tell me you never noticed!**

Whatever. Okay well I think you all get the point now. So we're all standing there, sitting glumly on our luggage, listening to Caleb whine and complain. It's been 15 minutes and no busses have shown up. Just our luck, right? We're all about to give up and I'm ready to burst into tears.

**Finally, he admits it.**

That remark was figurative! Anyhow, Caleb STILL hasn't stopped whining and he's standing up, waving his arms in the air. 

**That parts important! The arm waving thing!**

Shut up! You'll ruin EVERYTHING! So he's waving like crazy and then...

**And then!**

That's when Caleb Danvers was hit by a bus and died. Just kidding. 

**You totally stole that line from Mean Girls.**

Whatever, only someone like YOU could pick up on that. Now where was I, oh yes. For a second, we all think he's been run over. This massive, huge, purple bus comes flying out of no where and knocks Caleb over onto the curb.

**Needless to say, I didn't stop laughing for a good 10 minutes.**

Me and Pogue rush to his side. He's lying on the pavement but then he comes to, just as a big, weird looking guy in a newsboy hat and a bright purple bathrobe steps out of the bus. And he greets us and says : "Good evening lads. Welcome to the night bus. I can take you anywhere you need to go. You waved us down and we came! So where do you need to get to?"

**Everyone looks at him like he's totally bonkers, except me of course. I shake his hand, because I'm nice.**

Right, it's still all your fault Reid. So Reid introduces us as the sons of Ipswich, who really need to get back to school. And the bathrobe guy goes "oh school! Well, term starts tonight! I better take you straight away." And then he yanks Caleb up off the ground and hurries him into the bus. We're all totally confused, but we have to follow. I mean, we can't just let Caleb get abducted by looney bin bus boy here.

**We should have just left him. **

Ugh, Reid! Stop interrupting, can't you see I'm on a roll here! So we get on the bus and man I tell you right now, it's the weirdest thing I have ever seen. Well, at that point in time anyway.

**Oh, good one buddy. Secretive foreshadowing, nice.**

Well it isn't very secret anymore now, is it? I give up! Why don't YOU try telling the story for a change!

**Fine by me! So we walk into this purple hunk of junk to see not seats, but beds. And a bunch of weirdo's all gawking at us when we step in. The bathrobe guy put Caleb on one of the nearest beds, and we all hurry over to see if he's alright. He jumps up and starts babbling about cats and bathtubs. Yeah, don't ask... **

**So he's obviously delirious, and the rest of us are still weirded out by the bus. Then the bathrobe guy tells us to sit down on the beds because it's going to be a bumpy ride.**

Boy, he wasn't kidding was he.

**Not in the slightest. He goes back to his seat, whistling like there's no tomorrow. We all sit down and try to calm down the 'fearless leader'. When all of a sudden, the bus starts up and we go flying back into our seats, Pogue falling off of his bed completely. **

It was the craziest shit ever. There was stuff blurring out of the windows, you couldn't even make it out we were going so fast.

**What happened to you giving up?**

I just realized how much you SUCK at telling this story. So off we go, scared shitless, not a clue in the world going on when suddenly the bus comes to an abrupt hault.

"**We're here!" Yelled the crazy guy.**

Nice interjection. Anyhow, we all look up. Pogue is the only one who comes up with asking 'Where?" And the guy answers. "Why, at your school of course! Now off ye get! I won't charge you because I hit your friend there."

**And with that, he bustles us out of the bus and chucks us onto the road, throwing our luggage out after us. We all look around to discover...**

STOP! That's our cue. Times up.

**What? Not fair, I'm just getting to the important part!**

Yeah well, our writers say that you and I have to stop here, and it's time for Caleb and Pogue to have there turn.

**What bitches.**

Oh, stop whining. It doesn't matter anyway, we did a way better job.

**I guess your right. Okay, until next time guys! Tyler, go fetch me a drink.**

Why?

**I'm tired from my amazing performance of story telling.**

But I did all the work!

**Shut up. Just go get me a drink.**


	3. Chapter 2

_Hey Lucy .. Big night last night, eh?_

_**Shut it, Pogue. You know full well I wasn't with you.**_

_Sadly, yes. Where were you, anyway?_

She was with me.

_WHAT? Why would you choose Caleb over me?_

Why wouldn't she?

_Well, who would?_

Is that a challenge?

_No, just a fact._

Oh, really?

_**. . . Boys. You can never take them anywhere.**_

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_**Chapter Two**_

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Caleb _**and**_ _Pogue_

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_So there we were._

Yes, we were. But . . . where were we, Pogue?

_That was the question_.

Wait . . I thought that "to be or not to be?" was the question!

_You actually read that book?_

It was a book?!

_You cannot seriously be this stupid. Honestly. No one would let you tell a story if you were this stupid!_

Hey, I take offence to that! You can't call Mr-Supreme-Leader stupid!

_You know what? This conversation is getting us nowhere._

It got us onto the second page, didn't it?

_We haven't told anyone ANYTHING about what happened to us._ _How do you expect to win the better-storytelling contest if we never actually tell the story!?_

That's a very good point. So here we go! Ahem. 'It was a dark and stormy night . . .'

_First off, it was in the middle of the afternoon, and it was bright and sunny. Secondly, that's called plagiarism. Let me tell the story._

Fine.

_Fine! Don't get all sulky!_

Whatever, don't talk to me.

_Anyway, so we look around at where the crazy purple bus had dropped us off. And it definitely was NOT Spencer. We were obviously still in England, because swarms of people were wandering around us and talking with decidedly NOT-American accents. But the building in front of us wasn't just a school._

It was a fricken' castle, man!

_I thought you weren't talking._

No, I specifically told YOU not to talk to ME. I can talk all I want.

_You are by far the most frustrating person I've EVER had to deal with._

Wouldn't that be Reid?

_For once, you're right. Now can we please, PLEASE continue with out story?_

Fine. But only as long as I can tell the next part.

_Okay, okay. But do it right._

Okay, so we look up at this completely HUGE, ENORMOUS, GIGANTIC, ELEPHANTINE castle and we were all totally in shock, of course. So we're just standing there and staring when this girl comes over. She's got long, kinda-curly brown hair and the most amazing brown eyes, and she's probably got a great figure, too, but she's wearing these baggy robes that hid her figure, so none of us could really see.

_So she smiled at us and said "You guys seem just a little bit lost. You don't go to Hogwarts, do you?" She had the most adorable British accent, and I'm pretty sure that all four of us were falling for her._

So Reid, being the flirtatious ass he is, steps in front of the rest of us and says "We do now." And she laughs and says "Are you Americans, then? Your accent is sweet."

_Good use of the word 'flirtatious', by the way, Caleb._

Thanks, man. I'm not as stupid as I look.

_Thank god. Anyway, so Reid is just about to answer (probably to say something retarded like "My accent's not the only thing that's sweet, suga.") when a guy comes over_. _He's got really REALLY messy brown hair, a pair of lopsided glasses, and this random scar shaped like a bolt of lightening on his forehead._

He seemed like the biggest dweeb EVER. I mean, he brought 'geek' to a whole new level. But he came and put his hand on the gorgeous girl's shoulder and said "Come on Hermione, we're going to miss a carriage."

_She looked at us and said: "Do you guys know what you're doing, since you're new and all?" Naturally, we all said we didn't. "Well, you can share our carriage with us; I'm sure we can all fit."_

And we all know what she's talking about. Wink, wink.

_Dude, that's disgusting. That's like beyond-Reid-level disgusting.._

No, it's not. Reid's the one who said it originally; I was just repeating it.

_Well, in future, DON'T._

WhatEVER. You are such a spoil sport. And a prude.

_You did NOT just call me a prude._

Did too.

_You're a dink._

And you're acting like a twelve-year-old. Dink? Honestly.

_We still have some information to add, remember? Would you like to do the honours, oh-holy-supreme-fearless-leader?_

Don't think I didn't catch that eye roll. But yes, I'd LOVE to continue. So the girls lead us over to this carriage that was lined up in a row of carriages.

_But these carriages were super freaky because they didn't have any horses. Or, if they did, they were invisible horses. We found out later that these were mmmglm mbblmm pmmmmbml rrrrr._

Sorry. I would let him keep talking but that would ruin a huge part of the story. So we get into this carriage with the girl Hermione, the guy with the messy hair, and another redheaded guy. It was SO cramped, but we managed to fit.

_Mmmmblm gggglmmmmb!_

Pogue, don't lick me! That's disgusting!

_You were covering my mouth! How the hell was I supposed to talk?_

But — but you LICKED me. That is so juvenile!

_More juvenile than covering my mouth?_

You were about to spill something MAJOR!

_How is it major? Anyone who's read the books — _

Just STOP! This is a story! You can just go and ruin major plotlines, okay? Please?

_Whatever. You're such a dweeb._

And you're a jackass. Don't ask me to care.

_When did you turn into such a . . . . . Never mind, it's not very polite._

You weren't going to swear in front of the kiddies, were you?

_You're one to talk. Called anyone a jackass lately?_

Pogue! Watch your language!

_My God. I'll never win._

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_**Word of advice . . Never try and deal with these two.**_


	4. Chapter 3

**--------------------------------------**

_**Chapter Three**_

**--------------------------------------**

**Reid _and_ **Tyler

**--------------------------------------**

**Wow, Caleb and Pogue sure do argue a lot, don't they?**

Hrm? What?

**Were you not paying any attention as to what just happened?**

Well, yes. But I'm trying to get into the zone here.

**The zone, huh?**

Yes, 'the zone'

**Pray tell, what is the zone Tyler?**

It's what you do before you tell a story, okay? God ANYBODY who is half decent and storytelling ought to know that.

**You're a pansy.**

Oh, clever one. Let's just get started shall we?

**Bout time zone boy.**

Ahem So our mishap adventure had just began. Pogue, Caleb, Reid and I were cramped into one side of this small carriage. And the hottie in the dorky robs, ginger kid and king of the dweebs a.k.a. lighting bolt boy were all sitting across, gawking at us like we were circus freaks.

**Honestly, you'd think it would be US gawking at THEM. Lighting bolt boy indeed...**

Anyway, so Reid here breaks up the awkward silence by piping up and saying "so, what's with the freaky robe look? It really seems to be a trend here in England." 

And the messy haired kid glares at him and sticks his nose up in the air.

"Wot, (yes, he didn't say 'what' he said 'wot'.) Wot, do you not where robs at your school?" We all just look at each other and burst out laughing, thinking that he's joking. Well he HAD to be didn't he? But their all just staring at us with puzzled looks.

**Yeah, so I tell him nobody in Ipswich in their right mind would wear a robe in public. And then the freckle boy, who's still gawking mind you, turns to me and says "so, you just wear muggle clothes all the time then?"**

Pogue turns on him and goes 'what the fuck is a muggle?' 

This sends the two dweebs into a fit of whispers. Then, the girl leans in close to us.

**And I FINALLY got to see that she had boobs.**

Reid, you're disgusting. Really.

**You saw them to! **

Yes but that's beside the–

**And then were nice weren't they?**

Well yes but–

**So what's the problem?**

THE PROBLEM IS YOUR TRYING TO TURN OUR STORY INTO A CHEAP PORNO.

**Cool your jets baby boy. **

You are UNBELIEVABLE. 

**I know, I try. Anyhow, she leans in and whispers "you four are wizards, aren't you?"**

**We all snicker. **

**And I say "Well, nobody's ever actually called us that one before."**

"**But, you MUST be magical, otherwise you wouldn't see the castle!"**

**And then I say this great line, because I'm so good at pick up lines. Honestly I should write a book.**

Yeah well keep it out of THIS book, because your getting off topic, AGAIN!

**Okay! Okay! Don't get so cranky! Anyways so I say "Baby, I've got more tricks up my sleeve then a magician. And I'd be happy to show you some."**

**She's obviously not very bright because she looks really confused.**

**Then snooty little lighting boy get's all huffy and says **

"**Well WHAT are you doing here, you obviously don't know ANYTHING about the wizarding world. You just seem like a bunch of pompous asses!"**

Now, Reid doesn't like being insulted. And as lame of a crack as it was, it pissed him off. So up he jumps eyes flashing and the dorky robes on the lighting scar kid fly up and reveal...

**His VERY tight tighty whites. **

Yeah, it wasn't pretty.

**Nope. Not at all.**

Anyways, this sends Caleb off into a frenzy, AGAIN.

**He never quits does he?**

"Reid how could you! You've just broken the sacred secret of our pact! You've endangered us all! The world! Yourself! Your brothers! How could you do this to us? You are so selfish and ignorant! In the name of holy tighty whites!" Blah, blah, blah. You get the point.

**Yeah so, the girl gaps and goes "oh my goodness! You really ARE magical!" **

**Of course I am, duh. She finally clues in.**

Then she get's all giddy and goes 'oh well we're wizards to! So you didn't break any laws!" 

And this shuts Caleb up. And Reid goes, 'oh yeah, PROVE it?" 

So little curly haired cutie whips out this stick and goes–

**Curly haired cutie? Wow, talk about L-A-M-E**

Well what were YOU going to call her, big boob brunette?

**I considered it. **

Oh, how typical.

**I settled on hard body witch instead.**

Right, whatever. Anyways, so 'the girl' whips out a stick points it at Reid and says some weird word. Oh, and this is my FAVORITE part of the story...

**Yeah, SHUT UP, and you get mad at me for giving away hints.**

Whatever. And Reid opens his mouth to speak but–

**I can't because the brat put some spell on me that wouldn't let me talk.**

LIKE OMG IT WAS AMAZING.

**Tyler, shut up..**

I wish she was here right now to do it again.

**I am going to PULVERIZE you, you little twerp.**

Oh! Mommy, I'm scared.

**If your not scared then why are you cowering over there in the fetal position.**

I am NOT. Don't listen to him, he's such a liar..

**Oh yeah, a liar eh? The readers can't see what you're doing now, can they?**

Whatever. Anybody would take my word over yours.

**OH yeah, and why's that?**

Because I'm cute. And the girls all think I'm a sweetheart.

**You know what they call you that?**

Well no, but–

**It's because they think your GAY.**

WHAT? They do not! You are so jealous! Honestly...

**Shut up. You do realize what's happening, don't you?**

Yes! I'm about to shove my fist into your big fat mouth!

**Tyler GET OFF. We've completely gone off course from the story!**

Oh shit! We're out of time to!

**WHAT?! But we barley covered ANYTHING!**

This is all YOUR fault Mr. Hot shot, don't you look at me.

**I can't believe this. You ruin everything. We just totally gave Pogue and Caleb the upper hand in this contest.**

Yeah but in the long run, we're going to win. All the readers think I'm a totally sweetie pie.

**They think you're a total pussy.**

They do NOT!

**Do to!**

SHUT UP REID! We could have added more to the story by now! 

**Whatever. Uh oh, here comes writer girl. She doesn't look happy.**

Yeah, and it's all YOUR FAULT!

**Tyler you are so juvenile.**

I bet you don't even know what that means!

Author: OKAY THAT'S IT! CUT! I have had it with you two! I was going to be nice and give you another page to redeem yourself but this is beyond ridiculous!

**Hey don't look at me, it's all HIS fault.**

Sniffles It is not, don't listen to him!

**Shut it, queer.**

Sigh Whatever, let's hope that Caleb and Pogue can actually make it through a page without an argument, unlike SOME people I know. You think the readers are actually going to like this garbage? The whole point is that you tell the story!

**Whatever, I'm in it so you KNOW people will be reading.**

Note to self never to let YOU tell a story again.

**You know you love me wink wink**


	5. Chapter 4

**Hello? Is anybody there?**

Reid? Is that you?

**Tyler. Oh okay. It's just you. Say, it's been a while hasn't it?**

It sure has. Our writers have gotten lazy.

**I'd say.**

**Wait a minute, this is supposed to be Caleb and Pogue's chapter isn't it?**

Yeah. Why?

**Well, they aren't here, are they?**

No…what exactly are you getting at?

**Let's continue on with the story!**

Without our writers? I don't think our contract will allow that.

**Contract schmontract, who gives a damn?**

Well all right…if you're sure. I don't think it's a good idea though.

**I'm positive. So where were we?**

I think we were on the part when—

Dude, that party was wild last night!

_I know man. To bad I had to spend half of it taking care of your drunken ass though._

I didn't ask you to! Hey! What the hell are YOU doing here?

**Who, us? Uhh, nothing.**

Are you cheating? Are you trying to get ahead of us on the competition! You rotten cheaters! I'm so telling Lucy and Ceilidh!

TOLD you it was a bad idea.

**Who cares? It's not like those two are around anyways…**

I am furious. Raging mad. Ultimate anger.

_You're also really stupid._

HEY! You're supposed to be on MY side!

_I was just saying…_

Everyone shut up! Why must we fight all the time? Really. It breaks my heart.

Uh oh. Look who just walked in the door.

**Shit. We're in trouble.**

_**Hey guys, sorry I'm late I was just about to go over the next chapter with you and…what the hell are all four of you doing here?**_

Don't blame me. It was Reid's idea. 

**Hey! Shut up! I am totally innocent.**

He's cheating! He's a horrible rotten fiend!

_**Well all four of you can't tell this story in one chapter. It wouldn't go anywhere. Honestly I wish you four wouldn't argue so much. The readers are going to hate this story. No wonder we only have 9 reviews!**_

**Well maybe if you let me tell the whole thing we'd get more!**

Are you joking? If anyone is going to be telling this story it's going to be me.

**Why do you always think you're in charge? Honestly! Get a life!**

_**Can it you two. Lucy is currently way to busy to even be bothered with Caleb and Pogue here. She's still a little pissed about how the last chapter turned out. So, I've decided to go ahead with the next chapter even though it will be a total pain in the ass. Reid and Tyler your up. And you better make this good.**_

Hey that is not fair! Reid and Tyler always make me look like an idiot when they tell it!

_You look like an idiot anyways._

_**Well my mind is made up. Besides, whoever wins at the end is all up to the readers.**_

You mean? Oh no. Really?

_**Yeap. The readers get to vote for their favorites! Isn't that exciting?**_

**All right! We've got this in the bag!**

No way, we do.

_No Caleb, we're totally screwed._

Will you shut up! I hate you!

_Yeah right. You love me. I've read what's in that diary of yours._

YOU DID WHAT?

_**Okay that's it. Caleb, Pogue, get out of here. Tyler, Reid, get busy telling this damn story.**_

Chapter Four

--

**Reid **and Tyler

All right. So as we rode off towards the giant castle, the girl began to explain to us everything about Hogwarts. We figured we better go along with it for the time being. Besides, a magical castle sounded damn cool. All the while when the girl was talking to us, her two friends kept staring at us.

**Yeah. Ginger kid just kept staring at us with his mouth hanging open. And the nerd kept glaring and pouting at us.**

Nasty little bugger.

**And you get mad at me for hinting things? Sheesh. Anyways, finally we pulled up to the castle and got out.**

"If your transfer students, I wonder what house you'll be put into! You might have to get sorted along with the first years! "What's sorting?" Pogue asked. To our surprise the redhead spoke. "It's when they stick a hat on your head and it tells you what house you belong to." He blurted it out so fast we barley understood him. His mouth was still hanging open.

**I swear the kid was drooling a little.**

So we enter the castle. Caleb pulls us aside in the hallway and starts going off about to be on our guard and not say anything that might jeopardize our safety, blah blah blah. And as soon as we find a telephone, we're getting out of here.

**We all basically ignored him because we all smelt food and followed the crowd of weirdos who were all dressed in robes into a massive dining hall that was full of food. Caleb started whining as usual and—OW! WHAT THE HELL?**

Mmphmohph! Reidphmdphs!

HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME!

**Caleb? That hurt! Get off of me. Pogue, let go of Tyler.**

_Huh? Oh. Okay._

You asshole!

Pogue you idiot! You were supposed to gag him! That was the plan!

**Gag him? What the hell are you to doing? We were actually getting somewhere with the story!**

Well you're telling it all wrong.

Just wait until our writer's find out. They're going to fire you.

Nobody fires me! I'm Caleb Danvers for goodness sakes.

**Get the hell out of her Caleb. Tyler and I are doing just fine without you.**

_Yeah man, let's go. I want some pizza._

That's it I'm getting a new sidekick.

_Hey!_

All right cut it out! This story sucks! And it's your entire fault!

Mine?

No! Caleb and Pogue's!

_Hey I didn't do anything!_

You tackled me!

It isn't my fault you two are terrible at telling stories!

**We are not!**

Are to!

**ARE NOT!**

ARE TO!

_**SHUT THE HELL UP!**_

_Aw shit._

There goes my paycheck.

_**Five minutes. I leave you alone in a room for five minutes and you try to sabotage Reid and Tyler's chapter! They were finally getting along! That's it.**_

What's it! You can't cancel the story! Please!

_**I'm not canceling anything. I'm just going to punish you Caleb. You to Pogue, why do you listen to this moron?**_

_I ask myself that every day._

**_All right. You two come with me. Reid and Tyler, we might as well just cut this short._**

What! We were finally getting somewhere with the story!

_**I know, but dumbass 1 and 2 over here decided to ruin that.**_

**This story is never going to end is it?**

It will end with me killing you!

**Death threats! Can I report him?**

_**You all better apologize to the readers. I feel so bad for putting them through this nonsense.**_

We're sorry Caleb is so psycho.

Screw you Tyler! I'll expose your secret!

You wouldn't!

**Hold the phone. What secret?**

Tyler mphshpmsh!—

Don't even think about it. 

**Tell me! Oh tell me! This sounds good!**

_**Oh brother…**_

_I'm getting some pizza._


	6. Chapter 5

_**I don't think I can handle this anymore.**_

Look, Lucy, it's not how it seems! Ceilidh lied. I would never, EVER, as long as I live, do something as terrible as interfere with my best friends as they try to tell this story.

_Uh-huh. You just keep on trying to pass THAT one off._

_**Caleb, do you honestly think I would believe YOU over CEILIDH? She's my best friend, cousin, and co-author. And you're . . . . **_

_A stuck-up, whiny, nosey jackass who can't tie his own showlaces?_

POGUE! You weren't supposed to tell anyone about that!

_**Caleb . . Can you seriously not tie your own shoes?!**_

_Why do you think he wears slip-ons all the time?_

Shut UP! That's . . . that's a total . . I mean . . I . . Umm . . .

_**Oh man. Why did I get stuck with you two?**_

_I take offence to that! I'm not the one causing problems_ _here._

_**That's true. I'm seriously considering just giving up on you, Caleb, and letting Pogue, Tyler, and Reid tell the rest of the story.**_

WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_**BUT! Since I'm such a NICE and WONDERFUL author, I'll give you one more chance. Just ONE.**_

Thank you! Thank you!! I promise you won't regret this!

_**No, I probably will.**_

--------------------------------------

_**Chapter Five**_

--------------------------------------

Caleb _**and**_ _Pogue_

--------------------------------------

The best part of the big room was the food. There was SO MUCH of it! There were four long table absolutely covered in the most delectable-looking dishes I'd ever seen in my life. Though I have to say, there was one minor drawback.

_No pizza. Or beer. Or fries. Or anything remotely American._

Yeah, well, Europeans are crazy. All of them.

_Except Selma Hayek._

Is she even European?

_Does it look like I care? She's freaking HOT!_

True. Very, very true. Anyway, the minute we walked in there, all eyes snapped onto us.

_That's not even an overstatement. EVERYONE in the room turned to stare at us. It was the most surreal and freakish thing I'd ever seen in my life._

Heh heh . . .

_What_ _are you laughing at, nimrod?_

I just really like the word 'surreal'. It reminds me of 'apple peel'.

_You, my friend, are a grade A idiot._

Is that like grade A beef? That stuff you get from Canada? 'Cause that stuff's really good in spaghetti. My mom used to make it all the time.

_I . . . can't even say anything to that . . . . . . . Can we PLEASE get on with the story?!_

Oh! Right! Okay! Well, so everyone is staring at us, and the girl with the curls and the hott body . . .

_Her name was Hermione, for your information._

Yeah, I know. I knew that. Geeze. Anyway, so Hermione leans over to us and says "Go up to that table at the front of the hall, okay? The man with the long hair and beard will get you sorted out." She grins at us and adds. "I really hope you're in Gryffindor!" We all nod, and then scar-nerd grabbed her and dragged her to the table at the far end of the hall.

_We all looked at each other and wait for someone to make a decision._

They all looked at me, of course, because I'm the supreme-leader of the universe.

_Are you still on about that? Geeze, you should really get your head out of your ass one of these days. As a matter of fact_, _they all looked at ME. Even YOU. Because I'm the oldest and generally make decisions in our group._

WHATEVER. You only WISH.

_Wish? No, I know!_

Pfffffffffft. You're a has-been, Pogue. A HAS-BEEN!

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . What did you just call me?_

A . . . A lesbian? Heh . .. Heh . . . . .

_I am NOT A HAS-BEEN!_

Graaash!!! Pogue fnsdjaioghtuinuivohduiohfas get offf jdsziofhuasdiotfaDUO owwwwwwwwwwwwwwww stop stop stop you're pinching me nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo..............................

_Sorry, folks. We're going to have to cut it short today. Caleb has just lost his ability to reproduce. Have a great night!_

_- -_

_**I don't even know anymore. I thought you were the good one!**_

_Sorry. But honestly. He called me a has-been!_ _I could NOT stand for that!_

_**Whatever. Just get me a pistol, would you?**_

_Uhh . . Why?_

_**I'm going to shoot your balls off, then kill myself.**_

_Oh. Okay . . . . . . . Are you sure that's such a good idea?_

_**You CHILDREN can't get ANYTHING done. I am so fed up. I feel like a single mother dealing with sextuplets in their terrible twos.**_

_I'm sorry._

He is not! Don't listen to him!

_Is it just me, or is your voice six pitches higher than it used to be?_

You are so going down, Pogue! SO. GOING. DOWN!

_Dude . . . Caleb. We're friends, right? It was just a harmless altercation between friends . . Please put the axe down . . CALEB, PLEASE!!!!_


End file.
